Autism and Destructive Behaviour

I don’t like to be negative about autism, but the fact is that autism often comes with certain challenges. Today I want to focus on one of them: destructive behaviour. This type of behaviour can often accompany a meltdown and can be one of the most upsetting and frustrating aspects of living with an autistic child.

Broken Things

Our house has had its fair share of broken things. Generally, it tends to be gaming controllers. The controller is often seen as the cause of frustrations during gameplay, hence it will end up being bitten, thrown up a wall or pushed into a dustbin. However, we’ve also had our fair share of other “casualties.” Our walls are a bit dented and scratched in places. We have five dining chairs instead of a set of six. We are on our fourth broken TV set.

I read an excellent article by another autism parent, showing that we are not alone. I felt an instant cameraderie with the writer of the article, as though we were members of an exclusive club; the brotherhood of dented walls. But how can destructive behaviour be managed? And how do autistic people comprehend the destruction that they create?

Autism and Perception of Destructive Behaviour

I can’t speak for every case, but I think for a lot of autistic people there is an inability to cope with the aftermath of a destructive rampage. The child has calmed down, so therefore expects everything to return to normal as it was before the meltdown. Consequences simply don’t occur to them. “I was angry. I threw the game controller up the wall. But I’m calm now and it still doesn’t work.”

As parents we can make a big mistake in trying to shield our children from the natural consequences of their actions. We fear that they will never cope with the broken controller, so rush out and buy a new one. The child learns that there are no real consequences. The magic fairy has come along and fixed everything. Calm has been restored. For now.

But the truth is, that by shielding the child, we are actually exacerbating the problem. Broken things stay broken and that lesson needs to be learned. It’s a hard one for parents. We are conditioned to want to make everything right. But long term, this doesn’t do us or our kids any favours.

Autism and Destructive Behaviour: Natural Consequences

So I now let the broken things stay broken. Games have to be played on a TV with a less than perfect display. The thick streak of solid deodorant smeared down the bedroom wall has not been magically cleaned away. Broken games consoles remain unplayable. Living with the consequences of destructive behaviour may cause a child to think twice about doing it again.

As well as this, it’s a good idea to introduce more immediate consequences, tailored to the particular child. In our case, any destructive behaviour results in an immediate ban of all electronic games for the rest of the day. A favourite game may be put in “game jail,” only to be released after a full day of good behaviour from the child. These methods haven’t prevented every single meltdown or destructive episode, but they have helped.

I’d be really interested to hear how others reading the blog have coped with negative Behaviours. Please feel free to share your parenting strategies in the comment box below.

World Autism Day 2019

Happy World Autism Day 2019! Today, many people around the world will be doing something to raise autism awareness. Children may be asked to wear odd socks or a certain colour to school. There may be fundraisers to help raise needed money for autism charities. Many autism families choose to celebrate this day as a special holiday.

More Than Awareness Needed

Whilst autism “awareness” is fantastic, what is really needed is autism ACCEPTANCE. Imagine a society that didn’t stigmatise autistic people for being different. A place where differences were celebrated rather than maligned. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our autistic children could go to school without fear of being bullied for talking or acting the way they do.

World Autism Day 2019 should serve to educate people about autism. Yes, wearing odd socks or a specific colour to school is a talking point, but it’s important to talk about WHY they are doing this. Even the school bully might turn up to school wearing blue to “light it up for autism,” but will it stop them from from bullying the autistic kid in class once the day is over? Let’s have the conversation. Let people know how they can help autistic members of society to feel included.

Ideas For Celebrating World Autism Day 2019

World Autism Day was first designated by the United Nations in 2007, as part of a human rights initiative. Different countries celebrate the day in many creative and unique ways.

“Onesie Wednesday” is one idea, created by the National Autistic Society in 2014. People are encouraged to wear a onesie to school or work to show that being different is ok and acceptable.

Bloggers may write a special post on this day and various social media channels light up with posts and videos about autism.

Fundraisers may include sponsored events or cake sales. Autism charities benefit greatly from the funds raised as it enables them to continue important outreach work in communities, supporting families.

So, however you choose to commemorate this day…

Happy World Autism Day 2019!

Family Fund Blog: Relationships

I have the privilege of writing the occasional post for the wonderful Family Fund Blog. Each month, the blogging team are given a simple theme. We are free to develop the theme in any way we wish, creating a unique perspective on life with a special-needs child.

This month, the Family Fund Blog theme is relationships. When you have a child with autism, relationships with others can be tricky. For example, parents of an autistic child may find themselves under a great deal of stress on a daily basis. So much of their focus is on their child, that it can leave little room for their relationship with one another.

Likewise, friendships can be difficult to maintain. It can be hard to find the time to meet up with friends, as our schedules can be pretty hectic. It can also be hard to find friends that “get it,” unless they have autistic children of their own. The strength of a friendship can be measured by the ability of someone to stick with you through the good times and the bad.


At this point I want to mention some of the lovely people who help to keep me sane on a day to day basis. First of all I have to mention my husband. We’ve been married over 20 years and although our life is anything but normal, we find a good sense of humour really helps! The ability to laugh at everyday situations definitely makes challenges easier to cope with. We also find it important to try and make time for ourselves, even if it’s the odd evening out as a couple.

I have an amazing network of “autism mum friends” who I adore. It’s so good to have people that understand you and who have had similar experiences with their own children. One friend recently bought me a beautiful bunch of flowers to cheer me up when I was feeling low. Such a simple gesture had a powerful effect on me emotionally. True friends are like diamonds.

I also have very supportive parents and the best mother in law in the world. They have been so kind offering practical help as well as emotional support. I sometimes think they deserve a medal for putting up with my moans and groans!

Autism parents mustn’t isolate themselves. It’s so important to have supportive relationships. So remember to say a big thank you to all of the people in your life who are closest to you. Remember to let them know how much they mean to you and never be afraid to tell them that you love them.

Many thanks to Family Fund Blog for providing the theme for this post.